Thought Pasture

Is it frustrating for you that I didn’t die? The perfect role for you denied. The loyal husband who would see me through. The last embrace. The last goodbye. Is it frustrating for you that I didn’t die? Forty years by my side. But I’m alive. And you walked away. You said goodbye. But I stayed. I am alive. And there is no us. I am alone. Not where I thought I’d be By your side But now, there is no room for me. I’m seeking shelter For myself and my soul I need to feel that I am whole There is no us. Still there is me. I can be whole. I will be free. Are you frustrated I didn’t die? I’m not. I’m alive. I’m alive!

When I decided to live things began to change. When I decided to stop pouring poison into my body life began to change. When I decided to take back control And then surrender Life changed I began to change When I decided to advocate for myself and let the part of me that loved me and wanted to live unchained from alcohol Life changed Thank god When I decided to listen to what people suggested I felt better Shocker. When I decided to listen to my friend and say the 3 rd step prayer I started letting go of the bondage of self The bondage that held me just as much as alcohol The bondage that stopped me from living a full life When I decided to accept the things I can’t change And to have the Courage to change what I could I could breathe And I started to breathe And it works Thank god it works Thank you god it works I LOVE YOU I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU ...

Don’t come near me, I’m toxic. Do you ever feel so lonely you just want to crawl undercover or deep away inside? Don’t come near me, I’ll incinerate. The only thing that would be worse would be someone trying to hold you to make you feel better. Don’t notice my loneliness. Don’t you dare. Leave me alone. Leave me.

Once upon a time, there was a bear in the sky.   The bear in the sky lived on a fluffy white cloud. One day, and a beautiful day it was, the bear looked down at all the pretty green below. “Sigh”, said the bear, “I do so love it in the air. But the ground is so firm and green. I wish, just once, I could tumble down on it and play like the other bears do”. The bear was so sad that he began to cry. “What’s the matter?” said the fluffy white cloud. “Why are you crying. It’s a beautiful day. Look at the pretty blue sky and all the lovely green below”. “That’s just it.”, said the bear. “Well that is an odd thing to happen.”, said the cloud, “You used to be so happy on lovely days. Don’t you like the sunshine anymore?” “No. No, it’s not that at all. I love the sunshine and the beautiful blue. It’s just that it makes me sad to always be in the sky. I want to play on the firm green ground.” Said the bear. “Oh is that all it is?” said the fluffy white c...

“ Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much ” – Helen Keller                                                                                                                                                            ...

I guess I wanted someone to save Me My ego It was shatteringly real when it happened What had I missed Why was I here kneeling beside the futon where she was writhing restlessly detoxing I prayed and stayed praying for hours It was shatteringly real On the street Holding Ann And she was so lost It was all I could do just try and hold on Through the storm of her manic depression It was shattering Hank kept shaking Because he was in pain And all I could do was hold him