Thought Pasture

The moment I knew something had to change. It wasn’t just once. There were many times Over many years. Exhausted sick Ashamed disgusted with myself So many times. But, I am prideful I am arrogant I got on my knees Begging, praying On bathroom floors In hallways Bent over in front of the mirror But, then things got better So I had to make them worse By deciding I had the swagger Or I just didn’t care. I’d dive right back in and swim. Really push off and glide into oblivion. Then oblivion left. And reality crashed back down. And who was that in the mirror? Why was SHE back? What the hell was i thinking. I was lashing out, jumping in. And it just kept coming back to this big let down And disappointment My greatest fear To be a disappointment. .

Fly Away I’m outta here. He walked to the edge of the branch, raised his wings and lifted off. She wasn’t worried. This was a pattern she had come to know and ceased to fight. He needed to go for a fly. Good. Get out, she used to say in a tone of condemnation. Now though, she said the same words. But now, there was love and understanding Now there was love and tolerance for his complexities. The feeling of entrapment had to be thrown off. She was no longer in possession of the shackles, she had in frustration used. No. She had thrown those out. Taken the burden of fear off herself. Taken the shackles of guilt and tossed them in the lake.