Thought Pasture

GIRLS GIGGLE Hop into my car For a weekend drive Yard sales passing by Watching people live their lives Making up stories of who they are Girls giggle Yeah they do Girls giggle Me and you Now it’s back to work Just another day Is it over yet Friday I’ll collect my pay Then back into the car for another ride Girls giggle Yeah they do Girls giggle Me and you Hop into my car for a weekend drive Yard sales passing by Watching people live their lives Making up stories of who they are Girls giggle Yeah they do Girls giggle Yeah they do Girls giggle

The Distance There is a woman, standing on a ridge, looking out upon the water. It seems to go on forever, Mary thought, as she stood on the shore of Galway Bay looking out to the sea. Like looking out to the future. Clouds, clear sky, currents that might take you anywhere. And tides like emotion, washing back and forth over a heart. A heart that had no idea what the future was. It knew the present. And had lived through the past. And none of it seemed to fit anymore. None of it seemed to satisfy. She wanted to just jump in and swim, fall asleep swimming and awaken in a new life. Emerge somewhere, open her eyes, and then she would know what life held. This evening though, the sun was fading. And the light became dimmer on the water. Soon the light would go with the rising of the moon. Soon, thought Mary. Soon, I shall go with the light, and the moon would have to rise over Galway Bay all by itself. She turned and began her walk back to the small white stone cottage with...

Here’s why it’s so hard to forgive Because you had a choice You had a choice not to be mean You had a choice not to hurt others You had a choice not to cross the line The line into deliberate cruelty Into deliberate intimidation Into deliberate infliction of pain And you crossed the line You just were too recklessly indifferent Or a graceless prick or bitch However the gender presents And here’s why it is so hard to forgive Because you hurt me And all I ever did was be good to you Question my motives if you like But the actions speak I remember my mother once saying, rather screaming I’m too good to you kids I was scared then because she was really upset And she didn’t get upset But I understand now I guess I was forgiven But I didn’t do what you did You crossed the line But who am I to judge I am to observe If your actions speak for themselves Then they speak Who am I to forgive?

I had no brakes I could feel myself hurtling out of control Was I hurtling forward? I don’t think so. I was just hurtling deeper into a hole. I could feel it But what I didn’t realize at the time Was that I was out of control My life was unmanageable I went to therapy expecting a formula for a cure and got let go. I called a hotline and got hung up on. I suppose I was difficult. But still. I just kept doing what I was doing and it scared me. It scared my wife It scared my friends and it made my sister mad. But guess she was scared too. I was hurtling through my life and I had no brakes. I tried staying off the road. I ventured out just so far. Finally I had to find a way to stop. I needed help getting my brakes fixed. I get them checked regularly now. I can drive now. I can go out I have brakes and I use them.