Thought Pasture

She Still Drank Hard to believe for someone who isn’t an alcoholic. But for the active alcoholic, it is just another day. I was just talking about drunk drivers killing people. It makes me sick. And yet I got very sick day after day pouring poison into my body. I used to be so sanctimonious. But I was committing assault ever day on myself. I knew I shouldn’t drink. But I did. And of course because of my history with drunk drivers and the wreckage they leave, I always made sure to have enough provisions so i wouldn’t have to go out. Or if i did, you see the hypocrite. If i did go out for more booze I would drive the backstreets real slow and careful. Or i would walk down to the market for wine. I remember climbing up a very steep hill with a liter jug of wine. I cursed myself while i was on my way. But when I got home, exhausted, I filled a glass, sat on the couch. And smiled at my accomplishment.

The Blue Crayon The blue crayon was worn down about half way. The paper jacket it wore was ripped down along the side but  still held what remained. It was her favorite crayon. She couldn’t help herself. Even though she knew, if she didn’t stop using it, there wouldn’t be any of it left. But the sky is blue and my eyes are blue and the water is blue, so I need it. Well, you could put some clouds in the sky. You know white puffy ones and maybe some gray or black clouds. And you could put an island in the water with trees and some fish and turtles. Then you could use the other colors. But I like what I did. Yeah. I know and it is beautiful. And you really did a good job. I’m just saying there are other colors in the box. And maybe somebody else might use the blue crayon. I know but if they do, then I won’t have it. And it is my favorite color.

Why? I take it personally. Curl up in a tight ball Bind my arms and legs So I won’t break apart Or break everything in sight Break free of this self Self imposed bondage of Anger, hurt, resentment, frustration and rage Struggling to get back to Sanity’s shore Pounded by wave after wave of emotion Unbridled Unstable Un-free The bondage of me.