Thought Pasture

Rocks and shards of glass. Rocks, ok. I get rocks. But glass? Bits of bottles. Why do I find them in every garden I begin? Broken, some large, some small. I once found an entire bottle embedded in the soil. I like to think it is some archangel at work or an archeological dig but more and more I think perhaps it has been bits and pieces of my life. You know that song, I’m in pieces bits and pieces. You said you loved me then you said good bye. I’m in pieces bits and pieces. Now all I can do is sit and cry. Alcohol was like that for me. Truth is, every toxic relationship I have ever had was like that. Now all those memories are just shards of soil encased glass I reflect upon. Through a glass darkly. Dark because of all the dirt kicked over it sealing it off. There was a time when that glass was whole. But now, now it is just something in bits and pieces, washed over with dirt, rock and years of rain, filling in every crevice to hold it firmly back in the past till I could safely filt...

Lord have mercy Lord have mercy Why is it so hard? For me to believe To say I believe Hi everybody, I believe But I’m lost I’m a liar I’m a fraud In the crease between Who I am, and Who, speaks to me Who, shouts at me I am darkness I am searing pain I am terrified of who I am And what I might do The visions The evil The charging Overpowering Vision of my actions If unchecked Terrify me That, an instant Might yield such horror Might kill, that which I love Might grab something And cause pain I can’t do it I won’t do it I don’t trust, that the vision Might be real Might reveal Every bit of darkness Within me It was a flash of what could be It was like a lightning strike of unforgivable My death I could forgive My death I could live with What kind of madness of Momentary permanence I took the only action I could to assure I wouldn’t snap A snap would shatter Burst every molecule of who I am I did wh...

Shard splinters fill the sky Broken mirror rain on me Thunders down Sound all around Landing in and out of me I am just a grain of sand That is who I am Who I be Is who I am Landing in and out of me Have I become the shattered sky? The broken mirror Cut so deep To shatter me Cosmic dust Rain solidifies The grains of sand And starts to heal The tears of pain The rain of joy The questioning heart cut so deep I’m not there Here I am A puzzle-piece A grain of sand A sacred storm Of then and now Of you and me It cuts through me Splinters of you Bathed in pain Your shards they cut They make it rain They make it storm Just catch what you can to survive I can’t make it not happen But I can be there for you to heal A sacred space A touch of grace A grain of sand To share your tears Pour out your fears Onto my shore You’re not alone A puzzle new That looks like you Fear no more Filled Fortified ...