The moment I knew something had to change

The moment I knew something had to change.



It wasn’t just once.
There were many times
Over many years.
Exhausted
sick
Ashamed
disgusted with myself
So many times.
But, I am prideful
I am arrogant
I got on my knees
Begging, praying
On bathroom floors
In hallways
Bent over in front of the mirror
But, then things got better
So I had to make them worse
By deciding I had the swagger
Or I just didn’t care.
I’d dive right back in and swim.
Really push off and glide into oblivion.
Then oblivion left.
And reality crashed back down.
And who was that in the mirror?
Why was SHE back?
What the hell was i thinking.
I was lashing out, jumping in.
And it just kept coming back
to this big let down
And disappointment
My greatest fear
To be a disappointment.
.

Comments

Unknown said…
Time to speak of that which starved your soul...love....sorrow....grief
You are love.....You are loved
No certificate..no baby Jesus...no cross to deflect your truth
You are love....You are loved
You did nothing wrong..it is I who failed you even with all I had
Who would cause a child such pain...
The leaves Fall...a tiny seed lives to push thru again
Trees out live a man...stones lay on top of man...know this now....right now
You are love ... You are loved
Know this truth.. if my love could have saved you...it would...
You are love...You are loved
If I had died for the sins of what I knew not...it would not have saved you
YOU ARE LOVE .... YOU ARE LOVED

lOVE Mom
March 22, 2019 at 6:36 AM
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